literature

Shadow of Me - Nicox(M)Reader 5, Quitting

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During the free period, students were allowed to attend any class they wanted, or just sit in the lunchroom and study.  I’d think that I would spend it practicing basketball or running or playing one of my instruments.  Yet I always find myself in the computer room.  I went there so often that the desk I used in the very back was now labeled as my desk.  The computer science teacher likes me, I think.  Mr. Brewster is a young guy a little shorter than myself with short, layered, deep orange hair and huge glasses and he always wears a tie to work, even when the other teachers relax a bit.  And I guess I enjoy the quiet: no one else goes there unless they need to finish a paper or charge something.  Or ask me for a favour.  Apparently I’m the go-to for dj-ing, music playlists, and late essays.  I can make a few bucks doing it.  This particular day I was typing a report someone needed done by the next period on the branches of the government.  I had his notes on the desk beside the laptop and was finishing the last few closing sentences.

Just as I hit the “print” button, I felt a presence behind me.  Immediately I assessed the situation.  It couldn’t be a human because there was only one door to this room, and it was at the very front.  There was no way for it to get behind me without me seeing.  So it’s either a monster or a demigod.  But how would a demigod just appear here?  If it’s a monster, my contract should keep me safe though…  Maybe he’s busy protecting Joel and can’t get to me.  I did tell him that Joel comes first…

So I whipped around with a hand braced on the desk and a roundhouse kick heading straight for the face.

It was Nico.

In that split second, when I recognized his face before he had even registered shock, I had to make a decision.  There was no stopping the force in this kick.  Either take it to the wall, or trust that Nico will duck.

A few seconds later I felt pain shooting through my left leg, like searing heat being shoved into a knife-wound.  The same kind of feeling I had when I broke my right leg at the store.  I was on the floor now, squeezing my eyes shut, focusing on not screaming.  Through the ringing in my head I could hear Nico saying random things like “Woah,” and “Did you just block your own shot?” and “Is it broken?”.  But the instant he put his hand on my shoulder, everything felt better.  Like a sedative.  I slowed my breathing and opened my eyes to find Nico extremely close to my face.  For a second all I could think about were his crazy big eyes full of concern for me.

“Man,” he whispered out, drawing back from me.  “I thought you were dead.”

“It’s just a broken leg,” I answered, breathing in and out slowly.  Good thing I finished that paper already.  I shifted my weight to my right arm as I prepared to stand.  “Can you take me to the nurse’s office?” I asked, reaching up to grip the table for support.

He took it instead and pulled me up, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.  “No problem.  I’m really sorry, I didn’t even think about freaking you out.  I just shadow travelled here.  I wish you’d just busted my face, because now you can’t play basketball or anything-“

He spoke like this all the way there, making sure my leg didn’t touch the ground and telling me that he’d bring me ambrosia to heal me faster and that he didn’t have any at the moment and that he should but he’ll get me some for sure and that he should have warned me about shadow travelling before doing it out of the blue- or literally out of the black.  He apologized at least ten times in the slowly-walked twenty-foot journey from the computer room to the nurse’s office.  Luckily everyone was in their desired classrooms and I was hidden from intrigued gazes and pestering questions disguised as concern.  Even without ambrosia, my leg would heal faster than normal: being the son of Apollo, who just happens to be god of healing, has it perks.

The nurse took me and Nico stayed there even though she kept giving him looks.  I told her I had tripped over my desk and had enough force to break my leg against it.  Nico kept his cool, collected face on, but I could feel the guilt seeping from his aura.  She helped me scoot out of my pants, and pain or no pain I was well aware that Nico was able to see more of my legs than I was ever planning on.  Fortunately I distracted myself from his blush and my blush and the overall awkwardness by holding in yelps and moans in response to Mrs. Churchill’s hands skillfully feeling my leg for the exact place the bone broke.

A half hour later I walked out with a new cast, some crutches, and a note saying I could leave early.  Nico helped me gather my things, leave a note for Steve (the kid whose paper I typed), and escorted me out the door in the direction Joel’s daycare.  I was supposed to pick him up today, and I couldn’t inconvenience Garret while he’s at work.  So Joel would just have to leave daycare early.  Nico seemed slightly surprised that I didn’t contact anyone about coming to get me, but didn’t question it.

The first few minutes were silent.  Just the clack of my crutches against the sidewalk and the gentle thud of my backpack against Nico’s back.  It felt strange to be back on crutches.  I think the worst part is not being able to run.  Last time I broke my leg, I was chainsmoking like crazy because it was either that or run, and it’s obvious where that left me.  I was always out because I didn’t want to be near Joel like that.  Which isn’t fair to him at all.  I can’t do that this time.  Something’s got to change.

I have to quit.

“I’m really sorry about your leg.”  I turned to look at Nico’s shaggy hair, hands stuffed in his pockets, staring me straight in the eyes.  “I’ll bring ambrosia.”

“I won’t need it.  My leg will already heal questionably fast.  I don’t want to draw more attention to it.”

I think he wanted to do something just to feel like he balanced the scale, made things right, at least instead of doing nothing.  Perfect timing.  The craving for a cigarette had built up substantially since we had left the school.  I stopped and turned to face Nico, making sure my face revealed how important this was.  He slowed and stared back solemnly, waiting for me to say something.

“I will want to smoke like crazy,” I began.  “Because I can’t run.  But I’m hurting Joel and myself and potentially everyone I meet.”  I reached around my crutch into my back pocket and pulled out the almost-new pack I had recently bought and handed it to him.  “I’d appreciate it if you acted as… as like an accountability partner or something.  I’m sorry in advance if I get irritable or emotional.  I don’t care what you have to do, but don’t let me have another one, no matter what I say or do or anything.  Do whatever you have to in order to prevent me from having one.  Beat me up, tie me up, knock me out, anything.”

He looked slightly bewildered at my suggestions.  But I couldn’t trust myself.  I had to quit for Joel.  “Why are you trusting me with this stuff?” he asked, taking the cigs and putting them in his own pocket.  I’ll admit as I watched them go it felt like a hole was forming in my head.  “Why not Mandy or your parents or something?”

I started walking again, adjusting my crutches to a more comfortable position.  He followed me, keeping steady pace.  I pretended to be confused, in my head, like I wasn’t sure why I chose him.  I ignored that I really knew why.  Because I was too scared to come to terms with it.  But I pretended I was confused about that as well.

“I don’t know.”
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MooshiMoshiDA's avatar
I can only imagine the confused face Reader has at the end of the chapter